The Never-Ending Loop
Of dirty dishes and laundry
It is only my second week here on Substack and already I feel like I am behind! I hoped to post twice a week but the last week has been totally derailed by illness. My son has been hit with a horrible virus that has completely wiped him out, and though I haven’t been as unwell as him, I have also been feeling under the weather. No doubt exacerbated by a major lack of sleep.
Amid trying to keep my son somewhat comfortable, our household functional and my job under control, this week I saw a Tiktok that said something like “if life is a never-ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry, then that also means life is a never-ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes”. And it struck a chord, because it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.
I used to view all the things that I needed to get done like a to-do list, and as a result, I have spent an awful lot of time waiting for the right time to do “unimportant” things that bring me joy. I know I’m not alone in this. We imagine a magical future time where all the chores will be ticked off our lists and everything will be perfectly aligned to allow us to do the things we want to do but never seem to find time for.
In the day to day, that looks like me telling myself “I will sit down and do some writing today. I just need to vacuum, pack the dishwasher, make that doctors appointment and send a couple of work emails first…”
In the long term, that looks like me telling myself “I will definitely take a pottery class eventually, once life calms down a bit and I feel less overwhelmed.,.”
The result in both scenarios is the same. The sitting down to write and the pottery class never happen, because the to-do list never ends. I can clean my house top to bottom today, but the dirty dishes in the sink, the dirty laundry tumbling out of the hamper and the floor covered in cat fur, will all be back again tomorrow. I can get through every task in my work inbox this week, but I can guarantee it will be full again next week.
It can feel like a bitter pill to swallow, but we need to come to terms with the fact there will never be a perfect time, uninterrupted by chores and obligations vying for our attention, because the to-dos aren’t really a list with a neat end point. They’re a never-ending loop.
On the surface that might sound a bit grim, but I have actually regained some peace by looking at all the work that needs to be done as a cycle that needs sustainable maintenance, rather than a “to-do” list to be completed.
If you view being caught up on laundry as the dirty laundry hamper being totally empty and everything being clean, dry, folded and put away I am never, ever caught up. Because even if I washed, dried and put away every item in there today, there would be new dirty things in there tonight once we change out of today’s clothes. Instead, I view it as a cycle. At any one time there will always be some clothes in the dirty washing, some hanging out to dry, some clean and waiting to be put away and some in our wardrobes. And that’s fine. It’s never complete because it’s a cycle. I don’t try to “finish” it, I just maintain the cycle.
And because I know the loop of chores and obligations isn’t something that will ever be finished, I also know it’s ok to step away from this cycle and let things go every now and then. The cycle will still carry on tomorrow.
Because just as we can’t neglect our obligations indefinitely, we shouldn’t neglect the things we need for personal fulfillment either. We need to keep our homes relatively clean and functional, but equally, we need to make time to nourish our souls and make space for play. (Yes, grown ups need play too!)
Now my son is starting to feel a bit better, I need to strip our beds and wash all the sheets. I’ve got a chicken I need to turn into soup today, before it turns bad, and a veggie garden full of weeds that desperately need tending to. I can think of a million things I “should” be doing at this very moment but right now, I am sitting here writing instead. Because if I wait for all the chores to be done, I’ll never get to write a thing. But my writing matters too. Self expression, enjoyment and relaxion matter, more than we give them credit for.
And on the days when I really don’t have time to do the things I’d like and I really do just have to do the chores to maintain the cycle, it helps to find little ways to make it more enjoyable. I listen to a podcast and light a nice smelling candle while I clean the house, I crank early 2000’s pop songs while I do school run, I savour my morning coffee while I write a report for work, and I try to practice gratitude.
Life is a never-ending loop of dirty dishes and laundry but like that Tiktok said, that means it is also a never-ending loop of home cooked meals and comfy clean clothes.
And I am so thankful for that.
Katie xx
The sign said” A clean house is the sign of a wasted life”
Oh, I sooo relate to this! The amount of times I’ve put off writing for other things. It has been a never ending loop but easier now that kids are independent. Many years ago my sister gave me this sign for my kitchen. It’s been my motto ever since! I think you’re doing well for only two weeks in.